Persuasion: The Art of Getting What You Want

by Dave Lakhani (16400)

Persuasion is the art and science of getting exactly what you want. In its highest form, you use persuasive techniques to position yourself as an expert and to help other people get what they want. Persuasion can and must be used to create win-win situations for everyone involved. This is a key distinction between manipulation and persuasion. Manipulative techniques never result in a lasting relationship, whereas those relationships (business or personal) based on the use of persuasion tools do endure.

A look at the overall persuasive process is:

[ Position + Presentation ] X Influence = Persuasion

Persuasion truly is the art of getting what you want. Most of us throughout our lives have failed to reach the levels of success that we dreamed of, and not because it was not available to us. We have failed to reach those reasonable goals because we have failed to persuade those who can help us achieve them. And the biggest reason they will not help is because we have not asked them. People cannot help you achieve your dreams of success if they do not know they exist. But remember, as Zig Ziglar says, ‘You can get everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want.’ The art of persuasion is identifying what the people you are persuading want and helping them achieve it. Virtually every element of human interaction involves some level of persuasion.

–Dave Lakhani

Persuasion: The Art of Getting What You Want

How to Influence Using Empathy

(16416) Dave Lakhani says:

As a persuader, you naturally want people to identify with, relate to and understand your situation, feelings and motives. When people understand where you’re coming from, they’ll more than likely come to the same conclusion you have. To reach that level of empathy, the key is to use emotions.

The more emotional you can make the other party’s decision, and the more you can get them to relate to your ideas, the faster they will become empathetic. As you layer on top of your own experiences the experiences of others they like and respect, the people you’re persuading will become even more empathetic. Note, however, that you want the other person to feel empathy, not sympathy.